Love,  Memoir

Before I let you go

To the men who used to hold my hand before: I want you to know that I have always loved you. Whenever you hold another hand in the future, please don’t forget that I held yours before them and I never let you go until you let go on your own.

I am not the perfect girl in your past, but you knew that I tried my best to be your last. Unfortunately, we are in two different worlds with a big barrier between us. You decided to change your way, and you let me go on my own. My world crumbled as you said goodbye, and you left me behind.

How can I be a part of your world so that we will not be separated by chance?

It hurts, as you told me you have a lot of burdens to carry on your shoulders, and if I went with you, you would be knocked down. I’m always here for you, and I got your back. I never minded how our world would be as long as you would be there for me and love would conquer all.

Why are you so afraid to take the risk of loving me? Why are you afraid to love me without question and doubt? Why can’t you fight beside me? I will not hurt you the way you thought.

For my part, I fought for you; I never listened to what they said about you. I stood by you for a long time because I trusted you, even though at the end of the time you would still leave me with tears and pain.

I want to hate you, but I can’t. I love you more than the pain I feel. I’m your option, and you are my priority. You taught me how to love and trust again. You introduced me to the world without thinking the word racism.

 

For the past year, you stood as my anchor, my outlet, and my best buddy, at the same time my enemy. I never counted the bad moments I spent with you; instead, I value the best memories I had with you. Our life is filled with ups and downs, but I enjoy the ride, holding your hand as we travel the rough road of our relationship. You’re the one who completed every missing piece I have looked for.

Your love is enough to make me feel secure and contented to look forward to my future. Sadly, the knot that binds us is already in a critical situation, and you don’t want to fix it anymore. You continue to walk to the world you choose and grab another hand to go along with you, while I’m alone and hoping that you will come back to the world where we started building our dreams before.

I knew the journey you chose would be the reason for the entire smile that draws from the faces of your loved ones. You make them happy at the same time you build another future of your own. I hope and pray that your dreams will come true. I may not be a part of your success, but I assure you, I will be happy and proud of you.

Behind this barrier that stops us, I always turn my ears and eyes on you. I will stop looking for you when my heart stops beating as well.

The words ‘I love you’ are meant for you.

As I close the chapters of my books, just always remember our stories are still on the best pages, which I will read over and over again

Jhes is an Architect with a passion for storytelling through her writing and painting. She loves penning stories and interprets them through her drawings.

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